Friday, March 30, 2007

Cheese, Crackers & Conor

ABD presents a reading with writer Conor J. Murphy on Wednesday, April 4 at 12 noon in Killian Hall (14W-111). Come early for light refreshments.

Join ABD as Conor J. Murphy reads his own short stories and autobiographical essays, which have been described as hilarious, witty, and touching. Murphy writes, "When I was little I wanted to be famous, and desperately searched for any sort of hidden talent that I might possess. I sang loudly at the grocery store hoping that someone might compliment me on my voice. I danced anytime the radio was playing, secretly wanting to be discovered by a talent scout. I spent hours in front of the mirror pining to be a child model, and yet, never became famous. In a last ditch effort to discover my hidden genius, I started writing.

My first story was about a penguin who abandoned her young at a shopping mall. The same thing had happened to me, except my mother didn't abandon me. Instead, she had me paged over the intercom of a Kmart because I was hiding in a bin of markdown bras. It was this single event that not only fostered my lifelong fondness for satin, but my need to write about my life.

Most of my work is autobiographical in nature. I admit, I don't write about things exactly how they happened, but instead, how I remember them. I hope that you will indulge me in my public exhibition of narcissism and thank you for taking an hour of your day to let me feel famous."

ABOUT THE ARTIST

Conor J. Murphy began his writing career at 18 years old at a small news/talk radio station in his hometown of Decatur, Ill. After successfully knocking the station off air more times than he cares to remember, Murphy went on to graduate from Illinois State University with a degree in journalism. Considered most likely to violate FCC regulations by his peers, Murphy worked as both an arts and entertainment reporter and general assignment reporter for TV-10 News in Normal, Ill.

Annoyed with the Society of Professional Journalists' absurd demand for high standards and ethics in reporting, Murphy retired from journalism to pursue a career in writing, preferring to play fast and loose with the facts and refusing to let accuracy get in the way of a good story.

Murphy has contributed his wry humor to several online journals that are perhaps, ever so slightly, more obscure than he.

Monday, October 30, 2006

Substitute Children Get Short End of Stick

Quick Note

Where have I been you ask? Let first start by saying that I apologize for my absence for those of you who check my blog regularly. I want to thank those of you who have e-mailed me to check up on me to see how I am doing.

In my absence, I was sending pieces out for potential publication, which takes a lot more time than I had originally anticipated. I actually learned a great deal while blindly going through the process.

I also entered a weekly contest at www.demockeracy.com and won. This website holds a weekly contest with varying themes. The theme the week that I entered was What Life Would Be like If All of Those E-mail Offers Were True. I entered To Trixie, with Love, which amazingly ended up being the winning submission. It was truly affirming to have won…the money felt even better. In fact, it felt so great to win that I decided to try my hand at this week’s theme which is An Original and Compelling Conspiracy Theory. Below you will find my submission.

So, in short, I sincerely apologize for leaving you without any notice and I truly hope that you can forgive me. But, more importantly, I’m back. Now, enjoy my submission.
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LOS ANGELES, Oct. 27--An investigation into a conspiracy to kidnap short Americans and sell them as substitute children to Chinese couples has led to the indictment of three employees of a California-based adoption agency on charges of kidnapping and human trafficking.

Chris Smith, Tonya Jenkins and Steve Wilder were indicted in Los Angeles Superior Court on Tuesday after an administrative assistant from Maybe Baby Adoption Agency alerted authorities after the trio kidnapped and sold 11 short Americans to wealthy Chinese couples.

Conor Murphy, 5'6", was kidnapped last July when he was visiting Los Angeles on business and spent two months as a substitute child for a Beijing couple.

"I was treated pretty well," Murphy said. "When I arrived, my adoptive mother was knitting men's-size-eight baby booties."

"There is huge demand for short Americans as substitute babies in China, it's more common than you think," said Karen Johnson, a social worker from the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services. "Chinese couples find that short adults make great surrogate children since the Chinese are only allowed to have one child by law."

Apparently, U.S. based baby products manufacturer Johnson & Johnson has created a new line of baby lotions infused with pro-Retinol specifically for the Chinese market.

"We are committed to meeting the hygiene needs of babies of all ages and pro-Retinol is proven to make an adult baby's skin look and feel like and infant's," officials from Johnson & Johnson said in a statement released Thursday. They were unable to be reached for further comment.

U.S. officials are working to locate the other 10 short Americans sold to Chinese couples, but so far don't have any leads.

"I was lucky," Murphy said. "I happened to wander into a fetish bar in downtown Beijing wearing a diaper where an American business man brought me to his apartment and I was able to call the police."

CJM, signing off....